Abridged Choose Your Own Real-Life Adventures: DANGER AT THE GAS STATION
1. You arrive at Sheetz and wait 5 minutes for the next available pump. You pass the time by humming and occasionally singing bits of ‘Run to the Hills,’ pounding your palms against the steering wheel.
If you decide to pay $3.15 for Regular Unleaded go to 2.
If you decide to protest rising gas prices go to 5.
2. You fill your 1997 Ford Taurus for $42.52.
If you go inside and pay, go to 10.
If you make a run for it, go to 9.
3. Nicolette hands over your change and her fingers brush against your palm. You leave the Sheetz smiling, and remembering that you still need to get stamps. THE END?
4. The bathroom smells like pink lemonade. You aim for the urinal cake and finish your business.
If you’re done here and want to pay, go to 3.
If you decide to get a condom, go to 8.
5. Your attempt at civic rebellion results in a short moment of personal pride followed immediately by the sound of your engine shutting off. THE END.
6. The soda fountain features the usual colas and diets but the gleam of a ‘Red Bull’ option catches your eye. You relish the thought of 32 liquid ounces of energized corn syrup and fill your cup, noticing the slightly overweight girl behind the counter smiling at you.
If you’re ready to pay go to 3.
If you buy a lottery ticket go to 7.
7. “Today is my lucky day,” you think as you scratch off your ‘Wizard of Odds’ card. You lose, but your contribution to the lottery commission will help senior citizens throughout the state. THE END
8. A 12-year-old boy walks in the bathroom as you put $.75 in the “Assorted Flavors” slot. The boy openly laughs at you. THE END.
9. Your head spins with adrenaline as you peel out of the gas station. Could this be the beginning of a new life as a reckless fugitive, you wonder? By the time you see the Polar Bear in the road it is too late. THE END.
If you get a soda, go to 6.
If you need to go to the bathroom go to 4.
posted by the baber at 5:42 PM
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